Oh hello there blogger, how are you? I'm...ok. I seem to only remember you when I get a little extra free time. I'm off work again, except I...didn't plan it that. Yes, yes. I'm a bad person, I know. I agonized over it earlier, but its too late now. This is how things went down at AT&T, racking up attendance points either from running late or just simply not being in the right mental state to handle it. It makes me look irresponsible, and lazy, but the truth is that I don't mind working, not really. I feel better having something to do, something that will improve people's lives. I really struggle with the whole customer service - but I don't want to make this blog all about that, if I can help it. I know there's a way out, its just really exhausting and full of struggle. Oh, I like money too, but thats kind of what got me in this spot to begin with.
So what is going on? Nothing, really. I'm not sure things can seem really surreal and weird while remaining monotonous and fairly boring, but somehow I manage to do it. I saw a doctor not too long ago. I don't even remember my last proper visit, I think it was when I worked at Edgepark, which was a minimum of 4.5 years ago, which just sounds ridiculous to me. I was really nervous, but when I had a blood test, its looked pretty good. Low cholesterol, no thyroid problems, sugar was normal - which I was most worried about, tbh. I weigh a whopping 350. I can't really remember the last time I got weighed, I thought I was closer to 340, but thats splitting hairs. That's like being $10,000 in debt and debating charging another grand, really. We discussed the surgery, the next step is talking to the surgery, which whom making an appointment with has as of now not been easy. Again, I worry because I wonder if I'll end up losing this job before it becomes a reality. There's a definite chance of that if I can't man up and get on the game. Argh. I fucking hate it though. Those people suck, just about all of 'em....
...aaaaand we're back. Ahem. I'm trying to thing of positive things to put here. Oh yeah, I mentioned to the doc that I think I have PMDD and I got me a rx for good ol'Prozac. Yes. Last time I took that was 14 or 15, so it will be interesting to see how it pans out. I really want some relief. It took me a really long time to equate my period with the depression cycle, I though I was just cuckoo, but then again with the abnormal cycle, its not exactly easy. I got put back on Metformin too, for the PCOS. Its all retro meds in here. I'm optimistic. I hope that one or both will help get me back on track, though to be honest I wonder if the track is actually there or just buried under all kinds of mental debris. It might be a myth, but damnitt, we're going to try. Thats the theme of right now - Trying again. It's easy to get discouraged and give up, especially when it seems like there are so many BIG problems essentially tag-teaming you in the ring. It's so easy to stay down, to play dead...
Oh, and I might have some guy action going on. I know weird, right? The funniest thing is that I don't even care. I mean that in a postive way too. If people like me, awesome, but I'm in a place right now where I have to focus on myself, even more than ever. I can't worry about getting people (men) to like me, to busy myself with reeling the crazy in. It's all hanging out. I don't care who sees it. If people don't like what they see, it's not my problem, see ya!
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