Today I have taken a vacation day from work for no real reason other than to clear my head. I had no other real goals except for minor things like "pay bills" or "take garbarge out". It's nice. I feel really overwhelmed at times because I just feel like there's so much to do, so many things to focus on. A lot of them are common sense things, others...not. When I do have the ability to step back and assess the situation, I'm struck at how many I feel obligated to do, at how much I want to get out of life, like I need all the experiences, like I need to get the most out of my time on this planet. How ironic that when its all staring me in the face I freeze up and can't force myself to do anything. Perhaps a reevaluation is needed?
Within the last year or so I really got into "Sci-Art" and to a lesser extent "Kibbe", and its been on the backburner of my brain. I feel like I've been a little lost, just kind of hopping around and not really finding a lot of direction, so when I re-discovered it (Color Me Beautiful, anyone?) I didn't as so much jump on it as I flinged myself over as hard as I could. What can I say, some people turn to religion, other load up on academia, or use alcohol or other substance to wash it all away. I guess my route is a little more earthy. After all, my drugs of choice are sugar and fat. I think I'm a "Winter Romantic". Isn't that great? Specifically I'm thinking either cooler Dark Winter or a more neutral True Winter. It's weird because I never thought of myself as such. I thought I'd be more of an Autumn because of the red tones in my hair, the orange in my eyes and the yellow of my skin. And browness. Brown all over, especially in the summer when I tan without trying. Thats all fine and good, except for the fact that I hate wearing those colors, especially brown! Turns out they make warm-toned me even warmer to the point of jaundiceness, and I need the coolness and structure of winter to get me anywhere, lookswise. Sounds a little harsh, but its true. I used to wear a golden lipgloss (MAC Nymphette, I'm looking at you) and I thought it was great, but in retrospect it was all wrong for me. How does this even happen?
I guess, the old adage about forests and trees would apply here. Also, a personal lesson not to make someone elses opinion more worthwhile than my own, especially when it concerns my own general life. Oh, if only make-up shades where the only issue that mattered! I'd be set, alright. Alas, it's not that easy, but it is useful. "As above, is below" to quote my old Alchemy books. Perhaps by getting schooled in matters of the physical, superficial world I can gain insight to more esoteric matters. Maybe I can make some sense out of what I am, what has happened, and what can be done.
I always worry about being too self-centered. I feel like I can just ramble on forever about me me me, but all I want to be best the best I can be, so I can do the things I'm supposed to do. So I can be the person I'm meant to be, and play the part that is somehow written for me. Like "Raison d'etre" or "Ikiagi". The French and the Japanese know whats up.
Here ends the first post of this blog. Welcome, and Tally-ho!
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